Kickthestickz - Free to Love?
by vogonsoup
Summary: Will Chris and Pj ever get together? Chris is desperate for PJ to know how he really feels, as they explore a new collaborative video idea together it begins to have an effect on their private lives, perhaps changing them forever. I do not own Chris Kendall or PJ Ligouri, or any other pseudonym nor do I wish to imply any part or whole of this fiction has any basis in reality.


'So Peej, Pj, Peeejie, let me get this straight, you want me to be hypnotised for one of your videos?

"Yes, come on Chris it'll be fun we haven't done a video together for a while and there's this hypnotist being 'offered' at Youtube for anyone that wants to give it a shot"

I shook my head, I could be surreal but PJ added a whole new layer of mad to the fun. "Will they really hypnotise us? I mean we could just do the video as if we were hypnotised we don't really have to be do we?". "That's the point though" sighed PJ, "it's almost an art project, there are supposed to be deeper layers under the comedy with this one". Is our subconscious us the one that projects through our consciousness so our subconscious isn't so 'sub' after all, or does our conscious 'us' filter it out for public 'viewing' almost entirely?. Does the comedy come from within, our deepest most raw selves our subconscious or from our more cultured consciousness the part of us that has to create layers and masks to get on in the world without being hurt. Is our comedy just part of our mask, our armour or are we naturally joyful.

"Jesus PJ, nope you lost me there mate" Chris turned away, flapping his hands in mock exasperation against his sides, his full lips making little raspberry noises shaking his head from side to side. PJ didn't see the wicked glint in Chris's eyes, he was more than smart enough to follow pretty much everything PJ said, but he liked to wind his friend up. Getting PJ spouting pretentious bullshit that he could take the piss out of.. in a gentle friendly way of course was almost a hobby.

Chris glanced back over his shoulder, and gave PJ an exaggerated seductive grin from under the mop of brown hair that had flopped hopelessly over his eyes again. PJ, stood in front of the window facing Chris his head cocked to one side a confused expression on his face. One hand half way to his face with fingers and thumb pinched together as if he was holding something very small... emphasising his point I guess, looking at Chris as if he couldn't figure out if he'd got what he was saying or not.

"Ok. Ok Peej, what if I went with the idea, what would it entail". "Well, the hypnotist is a proper one, they've got a practice in Cardiff and are accredited to the Hypnotherapy Society". "Do go on Peej" Chris sat cross legged on his computer chair chin in hand tapping his lips with his forefinger with his best "you are fascinating" expression. PJ explained how the therapist would work with certain Youtubers to help them create something different for their channels, in some cases helping them access enhanced creativity to come up with new content, in others the Youtubers would 'do their stuff' while hypnotised. It would also help to promote hypnosis as a way of helping with long term problems, whether psychological, or helping with pain management that kind of thing.

The therapist would do a couple of sessions with the volunteers to assess whether they were suitable candidates that could be hypnotised well and react appropriately under filming conditions. Apparently some people went under so deeply that they couldn't talk or move during hypnosis even if instructed to do so, while others could behave as if they were just normally awake.

There was virtually nothing Chris would not do for PJ, his feelings for him had grown during the time they'd been friends and he was finding it harder and harder to deny them and hide them from PJ. They were very playful in their joint videos and their subscribers loved that they were very aware of them being shipped by some of their fans. At first they had pretended to ship themselves almost saying 'hey look we don't mind' 'we're comfortable with our sexuality whatever it is, we can fool around with it as much as you can'. Most of their friends knew that Chris was bisexual, or as Dan liked to put it pansexual but he'd never had a long term relationship. He was starting to realise how much he did want one now.

Chris had by now realised that he would give everything to just be able to be with PJ, but as far as he knew PJ had never been interested in men in that way, he'd had some lovely girlfriends but was single at the moment. It crushed Chris to know that he might never get to share all the love that bubbled up inside him and threatened to overwhelm him again and again with PJ. In fact Chris was starting to try and draw away from PJ a little, they hadn't shared as many collaborations as they once did, and Chris was trying to spend less time with PJ. He knew that one of these days when they were out partying together, or having a drink at home he would get so drunk he would make a serious move on his friend and that would be it. He couldn't face the rejection.

"Hey Daisy, what you thinking?" came PJ's voice "about this daft idea of yours that's what. OK it clearly means a lot to you so we'll give it a shot". "Yes!" Peej hissed with a victory fist pump. He walked over to Chris and gave him a hug, "thanks mate, it really does mean a lot to me I might be able to submit it as part of my final too"

That night Chris could not sleep a wink, PJ haunted his dreams and every time he closed his eyes it was almost as if he was there with him. He could smell the scent of his skin and the soap he used, see his almost luminous aquamarine eyes boring into his. When he did doze he woke up more than once with his pillow crushed to him and his hand cradling it, squeezing into it as if his fingers were tangled in those soft brown curls.

PJ fell into his bed with a big smile on his face. This could be fun, he knew Chris would come around he always did, though he did like to make PJ work for his successes. As PJ snuggled down contented he looked at a picture of the 'Fantastic Foursome' he had on his bedside table. Chris was clearly very very tipsy, Phil and Dan messing about behind him. He chuckled to himself good times, and realised that the thing that made them so good was Chris, he made him laugh like no one else. Even though he had fantastic college friends he couldn't imagine life without Chris, he was special.

PJ drifted off with a smile on his face and as he drifted he was surprised even in his dream to feel as if a soft pair of lips were pressed against his. In his dream he opened his eyes and could swear for a moment he could see a pair of large liquid hazel eyes, melting with love and lust staring into his. He started, half awake and feeling stirrings in his heart... and... between his legs that he shouldn't be feeling for his best mate... should he. Pfft he mentally huffed, that boy flirts so much with you he's giving you nightmares, he told himself smirking.

Chris was away for the week working with other Youtubers and meeting with people at the BBC, he's going to be big one day PJ realised, he even had Mark Gatiss tweeting him now discussing Mr. Sweet toys. Though that thought brought joy for his friend it also brought melancholy, he realised with a sinking feeling that perhaps Chris wouldn't have time for him one day.

The first thing Chris did when he returned home was ring PJ to arrange to meet up to get the ball rolling on the hypnosis idea. PJ beamed from ear to ear to hear his friends voice, he shivered though he wasn't sure why. "How's my bitch tits doing, Have you missed me?" PJ grinned "My tits are fine thank you, not too tired after your schmoozing I hope? I've got lots of ideas to run by you". Chris a mirror image of PJ grinning like a Cheshire cat replied, "never too tired for PJ. So tomorrow's ok for me to swing by then?".. "I never said that Christopher, but as it happens, yes, I'm free tomorrow but don't turn up at the crack of dawn OK!". "Right, I'll see you then". Chris was kind of looking forward to this new collaboration with PJ, even though it was his choice that they hadn't done anything for Youtube together for a little while, he'd missed his friend so much.

PJ set about making dinner with one of his flatmates Jamie, and couldn't help but humming along to himself. He even found himself cooking along doing the 'sexy boi' dance he and Chris had done for a video some while ago. He wasn't sure why he was feeling quite so 'up' but he liked it. Jamie loved to see his friend so happy PJ could get a little melancholy at times, sweet but melancholy.

Despite being so cheerful PJ didn't sleep well that night, his dreams woke him several times he didn't remember them clearly but they had both aroused and worried him which was a weird combination to deal with in the wee small hours. Chris was having a similar problem but he knew why he tossed and turned all night. He wanted to see PJ so badly it was starting to hurt, at four a.m. He sat at his computer looking at the email he had written but wasn't sure whether to send.

Hi Peej,

I'm really sorry I didn't phone or text you with this but it was a bit rambly and I could't risk hearing your voice while I spoke...so... I don't think I can go through with this idea. I don't want to let you down, ever, but I'm not sure that I can even see you again at the moment. It's because I want to so much that I can't. I'm afraid of what I'll do or what I'll say. I'm going to say it to you in this email anyway because you deserve an explanation but this way I won't be able to see the rejection and maybe even disgust in your eyes when I say it.

I love you Peej, for a long time now and it hurts! I can't work with you because all I can think about is us together. How your skin smells, how your eyes pierce me and see right into me. I want our bodies entwined until we can't tell where one begins and the other ends...

I'll stop now, you've probably already stopped reading anyway and blocked me.

So I hope you'll understand Peej, and find someone else nice to do the video with.

Yours always

Chris.

Chris slumped back into his chair and stared at the screen, sweat starting to gather on his forehead, he felt almost feverish. Could he risk losing the best thing in his life? PJ might understand and still want to be friends but Chris wasn't sure he could cope with just being friends anyway. Better never to see him and try and move on with his life than torture himself like this.

He stared for what seemed like forever so conflicted, his finger resting on the send button more than once. Finally exasperated he shut the lid of his laptop. He just couldn't do it he had to see PJ even if they were just friends it was a hundred times better than never seeing him again.

The next morning was a gloriously sunny early summers day, and despite his soul searching last night Chris had a spring in his step. It wouldn't take too long to get to Peej and he could see what this mad idea entailed.

PJ put down the phone and rushed around tidying his room, he hadn't expected this he'd better warn Chris, he opened his text messages and hit reply "Chris hope you're on your way buddy, bit of a change of plan the hypno guy is going to be here today to do the preliminary meeting. They had warned me by email but for some reason it went to spam. C u soon"

Chris arrived at PJs before the hypnotist (or hypnotherapist as the person preferred to be called) got there. "Are we getting some ideas down Peej or is this bloke just going to talk to us?".

"I'm not sure to be honest, they said that the person would be coming to our residences for the initial meeting as we would be more relaxed there and to let them know if there was a problem with that"

"Right, when are they due?"

"They're about five minutes late Chris, does the place look ok?"

"It looks like a male student lives here Peej" Chris smirked..."Oh Christ is it that bad?!" The doorbell rang, and PJ shot Chris a glare as he rushed to answer it shoving some more crap under one of the cushions.

PJ did a double take, standing on the step was a petite woman with long dark hair and big warm dark brown eyes. "Erhh, yes? … oh are you the hypnotist?". The woman's eyes crinkled with amusement "yes, I'm Laura are you PJ Liguori?". "Uhhm yes! Sorry, please come in".

Chris showed no surprise one way or another as PJ gurned at him, darting eyes to the woman and back again, as if to say in the most obvious way 'look it's a woman!' Gender to Chris had never been an issue people were people. He knew PJ wasn't sexist he'd just been expecting a man for some reason.

Laura beamed at the boys, and asked if it was ok to sit down. She settled on the soft buff coloured chair opposite the sofa that the boys had lowered themselves onto side by side. She had a good radar for quick calls on personalities and potential issues. Working in the field of hypnotherapy for several years her natural ability to read people had become highly attuned as it had to if she was going to help them to the best of her ability. These boys were or should be a couple she couldn't help but think. However that shouldn't impact on the session, and she would soon find out more as she chatted with them.

"So, lets get started then", Laura took out an A4 Pukka pad and a pouch of Staedtler multi coloured fine liners... she fixed Chris with a twinkling eye and checked if he was indeed the Chris Kendall she had been told to expect with PJ. Once the formalities were confirmed PJ remembered his manners and offered refreshments, Laura accepted the offer of a cold drink "diet coke would be lovely thank you PJ". While PJ disappeared for a moment in search of liquids Laura took the opportunity to have a seemingly informal chat with Chris, all the while on alert looking for clues to his primary way of interacting with the world. For a Youtuber she felt he was fairly unusual in being pretty equally split between aural, kinaesthetic and visually focussed. They were usually mostly visual, as she had already judged PJ to be with about 35% aural modality.

This would make a difference to the inductions she used for the boys, she was already trying to decide whether they would be best 'induced' together or individually. Today's practice session where she would give them each a taste of hypnosis would decide. The taster session was also useful for implanting post hypnotic suggestions so that they reached the hypnotic state more quickly and more deeply in the main session.

Laura explained to Chris that she would just be getting to know them a little, and if they were willing she would do a taster session of hypnotism with them just as a prelim so they knew what to expect and what it felt like. She was becoming increasingly aware of the little glances between the young men. PJ usually deferred to Chris but was clearly just as creative and intelligent they were well matched in these respects so she could use a 'nomad/settler' induction employing plenty of imagery and 'journeying' for them both. She felt that PJ had a lot of warrior personality too so wouldn't necessarily give second chances if this didn't work first time. If it did though he was the most likely to make a firm decision on how to proceed.

While the woman wittered on about modalities and such Chris's mind was very firmly focussed on PJ he was so aware of him sitting next to him. He almost felt like a wild and feral animal swept up in the cloud of PJ's pheromones. He watched PJ's lips as he spoke and couldn't help biting on his own as if PJ was the one doing it. Pj was so excited by this new project and prospect of a new experience that he was unaware of Chris's eyes boring into him. He felt the other boy's warmth and it did have a soothing quality but he was focussed on other things, his eyes sparkled full of zest and made Chris's stomach swirl.

Laura asked the boys for a little time to look through her notes, and put together an induction and creativity enhancement screed for their 'taster' this afternoon. She asked if they would prefer her to come back another time or if they were willing to go ahead in about half an hour. After a short discussion they agreed that half an hourish would be fine.

Laura withdrew mentally for a while her head was spinning with ideas, PJ brought her a coffee and sandwich while he and Chris chatted over a light lunch of the same. Laura really liked these lads and she could see and sense that they had some issues that needed addressing. She looked up "boys... there are a few things I've noticed while I've been chatting to you that I'm not sure if you are aware of. She knew full well that Chris was aware of them, but could see that PJ kept a very tight lid on some things.

Laura continued "Sometimes our subconscious acts as a bouncer keeping us safe and stopping ideas, feelings, ways of acting coming into our conscious mind because it has felt or learned way back when that these things might be harmful. Often the subconscious over reacts, over protects us if you like and stops certain things being expressed or acted upon; that would actually be of great benefit". Would you be willing to allow me to do a little 'release' on your subconscious? It will be fairly specific and only directed at some issues I think that you may be glad to get 'sorted'.

"Yes" "no" PJ and Chris chorused together looking at each other as if surprised by the other's reactions. Chris was looking nervously out from under his unruly brown fringe into PJ's astute piercing eyes, PJ shrugged shaking his head a little mouthing 'what?' at Chris. Chris looked from PJ to Laura and back again. Words stumbled out of his mouth, uncharacteristically shy... "what if I do or say something I'd rather not...". He was blushing now, worried that he would give away how he felt, he could cope with a general experience or something specifically geared towards the video, but he wasn't sure about this suggestion. Frankly he was a little resentful towards the therapist for putting him in this position.

Laura could see the panic in Chris's eyes and felt bad for freaking him out, she really should stop meddling, she knew that Chris at least was aware of the feelings he had for PJ, but was clearly scared to voice them. "I'm sorry Chris... boys.. It was just a throw away idea, of course you can tell me to bog off. I hope I haven't put you off the general taster session, I am bound by strict codes of practice with the Hypnotherapy Society and with or without them I wouldn't dream of doing something I didn't have permission for anyway". She smiled in what she hoped was a reassuring manner.

PJ studied Chris a slightly perturbed expression on his face, Chris was normally the first one up for something a bit different. Although PJ could see Chris's point he really wanted to try what Laura had suggested and told her so.

Laura went on to explain a little about the experience of being hypnotised. "PJ even though you've given permission to go ahead with this you really needn't worry that you will say, experience or do something you don't want to. Hypnosis really isn't like you see in some badly researched films. It's almost like a very deep day dream where things are heightened, you may experience them vividly, or just drift in and out hearing odd words here and there but absorbing everything. If something is said that goes against your own moral code, or what you really want you will snap out of hypnosis. You can have time to research this before going ahead if you'd prefer". "hypnosis is a direct line to your subconscious bypassing the conscious 'bouncer, it can be used just as relaxation or for positive 'reprogramming'"

Chris sat on the sofa his legs parted hands clasped together between his knees, watching the concentration on his friends face as he took in the words of the therapist. He wasn't doing a very good job of concentrating on the subject at hand. His lips burned with need he couldn't help but focus on PJ's lips as he spoke. He also couldn't help but blurt out "well... what about stage hypnotists then... surely not everyone wants to make a dick of themselves clucking like a chicken, isn't that making people do things they don't want to?" Laura had heard this question before, and inwardly cursed stage hypnotists. Even though she knew they were real professionals and knew what they were doing she wished they would explain their methods better.

"That's a common concern Chris, and one I can explain to you if you'll give me a moment", Chris indicated that he would be interested. "Unless you're at a live performance you don't get to see the selection process the hypnotist puts the audience through. I can give you an example if you like?" Chris looked at PJ obviously a little uncomfortable, both PJ and Laura reassured Chris that he'd be OK. "This won't actually be hypnosis as such Chris, it's just a very light daydream state but gauges how well someone could respond to hypnosis, it's one of the ways a stage hypnotists thin's the crowd for volunteers"

Chris hands in back pockets leaning forward slightly nodded, it would be interesting he thought and perhaps if I do this I can leave the full on hypnosis to PJ. "Ok" Laura's voice cut through his thoughts, "I need you to stand up for this, get yourself into a comfortable stance, feet hip width apart is usually good"... Laura began with a short general relaxation talk, with some eye fixation just to get him in the right place mentally. She continued softly "listen to my voice Chris, just go with it... close your eyes and take nice deep breaths, that's it let the tension trickle away from your head to your toes and out. Now put both arms out in front of you level with one another...one palm upward... excellent, in that hand you have a heavy hard backed book, the sort with lots of thick glossy pictures... can you feel the texture of the cover as it siting your hand, smell the unique scent of a new book.. such a heavy book weighing your hand down, picture the book vividly Chris the colour of the cover, the way the pages sit together so tight, so many pages... feel the solid weight in your hand, so heavy...

Floating from the wrist of your other hand tied by a blue satin ribbon is a helium balloon... see how glossy and bright the balloon is, any colour you like... perhaps a clear green/blue" Laura and Chris both smiled, she knew that she had linked the balloon with something or rather someone uplifting, someone that he loved. and Chris because of the sense of happiness flooded through him... "feel the lightness of the balloon pull gently at the ribbon lifting and tugging your arm with it, floating up... wanting so hard to rise up, up, up into the sky... Now Chris I want you you to stay perfectly still for a moment, exactly as you are as your awareness returns completely to the room and you can open your eyes."

Chris opened his eyes, Laura said you see how far apart your arms are Chris, the one with the heavy book is nearly straight down, and the one with the balloon is way up in the air...and that is how you tell quickly how susceptible to hypnosis a group of people are. The next filter test would screen people for extrovert traits, and willingness to be 'up for a laugh', and that is how a stage hypnotist ensures that only people who want to join in with the game are put under".

He was despite himself a little impressed and he'd been surprised that the hand thing had worked so well on him. So he'd had his first taste of hypnotic conversation and suggestibility already. His head back fringe hiding those pretty eyes again, he simply said... "cool, yep I can handle this". PJ smiled glad that his friends concerns had been somewhat addressed. He'd tell Chris that he'd filmed the hand thing later... maybe after he'd posted it on Youtube he thought with a wicked grin decorating his face.

Laura addressed Chris again. "Chris, when PJ comes out of hypnosis don't worry if anything he says or does seems a little out of character ok, it can be a reaction to the relief of blocks being removed Some people will want to act on that immediately some will take more time and it will integrate into their daily lives gradually. he's still PJ and his character will be unaltered anything that he does will be his own idea and what he wants to do. Or you may notice nothing at all"

PJ and Laura left Chris and went to PJ's bedroom so that he would feel totally relaxed, even though Chris and Peej were great friends most people went into hypnosis better with no distractions.

Laura pulled up a swivel chair and asked PJ to rest on the bed however he wanted, whether that was sitting supported by pillows, or lying, as long as it was very comfortable. "Ok PJ get yourself comfortable, allow yourself to start to feel your body mould to the bed...soft and supporting... you're completely safe and relaxed... more and more relaxed..." she noticed PJ's eyes start to flutter now was the time to add "you may feel your eyes getting heavier and that's fine just allow them to close just as soon as they want... That's right PJ drifting further down with every breath floating like a dandelion seed on the breeze..." Laura continued the induction in a soft relaxing slightly sing song voice, after about fifteen or twenty minutes she was satisfied that the short deepener after the induction had done its job and taken PJ off into a nice deep hypnotic state. It should make things quicker for subsequent sessions. His breathing was slow and steady, he was very very still and his skin paled. It often affected people like that.

"PJ, I want you to think of things that make you happy, see them, hear them, feel them even taste them as vividly as you can" PJ felt that he was dreaming, but his awareness was hyper alert as if hovering above the scenes playing out before him, then almost like a jump cut he was in the middle of what seemed like a hologram of his own thoughts. He turned beaming, revelling in scenes from his childhood, summer days filming with his friends, holidays...and Chris... "Laura's voice floated through the dream like a silver thread guiding him. Sometimes clear and distinct, others barely a whisper..."this block that's making you unhappy.. see hear and feel the first time you encountered it". PJ's mind flashed back to when he was nine years old, he was dressed in his own distinctive style he'd never followed the herd, his hair was longer then soft curls bouncing around his face making it look pretty rather than incipiently masculine...

"Hey faggot, what are you doing around here, no way you're playing with my brother you poofter..." PJ winced at the remembered pain of insults and stones being thrown, sticks hitting his skin. PJ remembered how he'd been teased and tormented about being gay before he even knew what the word was referring to, before he knew what sexuality was. He'd been a fairly innocent child and wasn't really sexually aware at all at that point, the taunts hurt all the more for it. He'd made sure from that point that he never gave anyone any excuse to hurt him like that again.

Laura noted PJ's reactions and asked if he'd found the cause of the kernel of unhappiness that was starting to grow within him. He indicated yes as they'd arranged by raising his right index finger. She told him to imagine a large cinema screen, and to project the memory onto it. |Everything hyper vivid, the colours stronger, the sounds more intense and the emotions at their strongest, view it like a video. "Now PJ see the image start to drain of colour...as the colour drains away so will the emotion... let the sound fade down, down and away, taking all those negative emotions away, they don't matter any more, down until there is no sound. Now see it shrinking, getting smaller and smaller, down to the size of a TV screen, all the emotion gone now just a picture, shrink it even more until it's tiny, take the movement away, turn it into a black and white picture, just a picture, with no hurt, no emotion nothing attached to it that could ever hurt you. See a filing cabinet in the attic of your mind, now open a drawer remove an empty file and put the picture in it. It's safe now, file it away in your memory, you can even take it out again if you want or need to but now it has no power, or emotion or hurt for you any more".

Laura made some positive creativity and confidence enhancing suggestions before allowing PJ to enjoy his beautiful and safe hypnotic haven for a few minutes, then she started to bring him back to full awareness. With each number I count backwards you are coming becoming more and more awake, 4... 3... more alert... 2 happy an energised... 1 fully awake and refreshed.

PJ's eyes were open but he didn't move. He felt as if he's woken from a very deep slumber and was a little disoriented and felt a bit 'fuggy'. This was very common after a longish session. Laura produced a bottle of cold water from her bag and offered it to PJ who took it eagerly. Sitting on the edge of his bed now, the calm relaxed smile on his face turning into a breathtaking mega watt smile. Laura could't help but be dazzled by this handsome young man. She smiled back and asked him how he felt. "fantastic, relaxed and free somehow, I can't put my finger on what why or how, but free is a good word to use". Laura beamed, she hoped that things had worked as she'd planned, free was a good way to describe what she intended. "We'd better get back to Chris this took a little longer than intended, we'll see if he wants to go ahead with his shot or if he has time he might prefer to try it on another day". Still smiling they left PJ's room to find Chris dozing on the sofa.

"Well hello there sleepy head!", boomed PJ waking Chris up with a bit of a start, PJ chuckled softly at the discomfiture in his friends sleep clouded eyes. Chris voice still a little slumber slurred replied "I'm sorry, as you can see there Bubble Squash... having a bit of a kip". "That's ok honey, I've been out for the count myself", PJ still grinning plopped down on the end seat of the sofa lifting Chris's long legs to rest over his own.

Laura perched on the arm of the chair and asked Chris if he wanted to go ahead or if he'd prefer to reschedule his session. Chris was happy to try it out another day, as he'd already had a mini taster and was eager to get questioning PJ abut his experience, and perhaps get some ideas together ready for what they already thought might end up as a mini comedy documentary with themselves as the subjects. He also had been too busy obsessing over his cracked and hurting heart to concentrate as much as he would have liked, his chat with PJ would help prepare him better for next time he saw Laura.

Laura made arrangements to come back in two days to work with Chris, and then meet them at the Youtube gathering in a month.

The room had become a little chilly as the sun had moved around and no longer beamed in through the window, it was starting to fade toward dusk, and the birds were singing their hearts out outside. PJ was looking at Chris in a way that was unfamiliar to him... Oh now he recognised it... it was the way he looked at PJ, especially when they had been playing gay chicken or some other suggestive game or video collab.

PJ had hardly been able to take his eyes of Chris since leaving the haven of his bedroom, his hand rested casually on one of Chris's legs, slowly almost absently stroking up and down a few inches. He'd always loved his company, his sense of humour, even the way he looked all part of one delicious whole. Why hadn't he been able to admit to himself what he was bursting to share now. He felt guilty because he was sure that the reason Chris drank so much when they were together or with other friends was to do with not being able to handle being around him without getting what he needed so badly.

Chris had been watching PJ as he always did his heart beating faster purely from his touch, he was trying very hard to act cool. When PJ lifted his legs from him he had let out a tiny gasp at the touch of his hands, but was bereft at the lack of contact. PJ slipped from under Chris's legs and began to crawl panther like up his body. Chris's mind was spinning, now PJ's 'blocks' had been removed he was going to soar, be a big movie director and or animator or what ever he wanted. Great for him but Chris would fade from his mind like snow on a sunny day. He couldn't help himself it had been a weird day and now PJ was going to disappear from his life and he couldn't stop the tears from welling up turning his ever changing hazel eyes into reflective shimmering pools. He felt warmth engulf his lower body and looked up to see PJ, smiling seductively braced on all fours across his lower body.

Chris's whole body cried out for PJ, there seemed to be a magnetic pull in his chest that he was fighting to control, to stop himself from closing the gap and refusing to let go. He watched PJ transfixed their eyes caught in a gravitational pull both boys pupils had enlarged so much that only a thin sliver of moss green remained of Chris's iris, and a ring of clear greeny blue of PJ's. PJ whispered "how do you fancy another game of gay chicken" his right hand sliding slowly up Chris's thigh. Chris lips parted he gulped and nodded. PJ's attention drifted down to his hand as he guided it to the top of Chris's thigh, tortuously slowly, gently but firmly onto his groin cupping him pressing softly in little circles with the heel of his hand. Eyes heavy with the feeling it was creating within him and making Chris's hips involuntarily jerk, his breath catching in his throat.

Chris still hadn't been able to say a word, he couldn't believe what was happening his eyes were wide as if he were trying to wake up, they were also still full of unshed tears but he had hope. One lonely tear escaped and made it's way down his cheek. PJ's hand slid up over his hip bones and under his stripy T-shirt. Now it was PJ's turn to gulp and breath out a muted gasp as his hand made contact with the soft warm skin of his … what was he, he knew what he wanted him to be. He gathered himself and looked back up into Chris's eyes, what he saw there surprised him. Chris looked scared and was that a tear spilling down his cheek. God he hoped Chris didn't think he was being cruel, teasing him. He realised with a physical jolt that Chris loved him, he really did, so this must look extraordinarily mean if Chris didn't know if he meant it or not.

PJ hooked his fingers inside Chris's waistband and yanked him down closing the distance between them more quickly, making Chris yelp and messing his hair up something terrible. He looked so adorable with his hands thrown back either side of his head, all confused an mussed only inches away from PJ's lips. Chris's head couldn't help but jerk away a little at the younger man's face so suddenly so close to him. For a moment PJ drank in his handsome scared little rabbit, his eyes roaming his face greedily taking in every millimetre. Chris could feel PJ's warm hands slide up his torso, back inside his t-shirt, his fingers wrapped around his sides, his thumbs idly stroking back and forth like a lazy windscreen wipers just beneath his nipples.

He was terrified, if PJ was kidding around he didn't think he could come back from this memory, brush it off as a joke. It would torment his every waking hour. PJ was so close now and he looked... well... ravenous was probably the best description, his lips were parted and he looked at Chris like he was a plump juicy steak. PJ's tongue slowly moved across his own bottom lip pulling it in beneath his teeth, reddening it before slowly letting it go. All these things took seconds to take in but seemed like an eternity, playing in slow motion to Chris.

Before he could speak PJ whispered, "I'm so sorry Chris I never meant to tease you all this time". Chris felt PJ's breath flushing warm across his face as he leant in and kissed Chris's cheek where the tear had worked it's way right down to his jaw before running out of steam. PJ allowed the length of his body to press against Chris, both boys were so caught up in their emotions that they hadn't even taken in that they were both aroused, and the contact of their groins felt like a lightning bolt running through them and brought little gasps from both of them. Humph I'm such a wuss PJ thought because I've never been so turned on but all I want to to is kiss, and cuddle him until he knows how I feel, how I've felt all this time and never had the courage to show.

They pressed together tighter almost unconsciously grinding against each other a little. Chris tentatively put one arm around PJ's back and stroked around his waist until he found a gap between his t-shirt and jeans and slid his hand in, stroking up and down the Italian's smooth back. He wasn't sure whether PJ meant this but it felt so good. PJ let out another little moan as he kissed along Chris's jawline his left hand moved to cradle the side of Chris's head, his thumb pressing just under his jawline mimicking the little kisses he was lavishing the other side with. Pushing Chris's head back and moving down his neck, sucking and drawing the skin into his mouth giving it little nips and licks. Reaching Chris's adams apple he sucked and kissed it until Chris's throat vibrated under his lips and tongue with a frustrated groan, moaning PJ's name.

PJ drew back a few inches stroking his fingers up Chris's cheek and into his hair brushing the mussed up fringe out of his eyes, sweeping it back. He was dismayed to see a look of agony on Chris's face, and more tears spilling out onto his cheeks. "Don't stop Peej, even if you never want to touch me again, please don't stop now let me have this one memory?" PJ couldn't believe how stupid he'd been, he'd been trying to show Chris how much he cared for him, but Chris thought he was just horny and was having some weird after effect of the hypnosis.

He half whispered, half croaked "Chris, baby I'm never going to stop ok! You'll be lucky to make it out of this room to eat or pee, because I never want to let you go ever again. I love you Chris, really truly love you and I can't believe how it hasn't ripped me apart long ago not telling you that... So d'ya understand now sweet cheeks?".

Chris's lips were parted and very pink, his breath was betraying him, he couldn't seem to catch it at all, his body burned everywhere they made contact, which was everywhere. Chris thought he might combust with joy at what PJ was saying, his head swam and he genuinely felt faint it was overwhelming. He'd loved PJ for so long with no hope of it being reciprocated his mind almost couldn't accept what he was hearing.

Chris's sensuous wide full mouth split into a huge grin "Peej.." but the rest of the sentence was stifled as PJ pressed his lips against his and he disappeared, melded with PJ on a level he could never explain. Chris's involuntary "argh" groaned into the kiss made PJ smile into it. Chris tasted so good PJ could have eaten him up for the rest of their lives... now there was a thing... the rest of their lives it sounded good.

"I got that email you know he whispered nuzzling Chris's neck". Chris froze... "ermmm what email?" he said his voice higher than intended... he had a horrible feeling he knew which email... "I think you sent it by accident my love, I saw it just before the therapist arrived. Nearly fucking killed me even though I realised you must have sent it by accident seeing as you were there in my living room. That's why I was so eager for Laura to do her stuff, there was no way I was letting you go." Chris loved this man so much he could be nothing without him, "thank you PJ you saved me". PJ wanted no more talk as their hands moved exploring every inch of one another, their lips crushed together until they were bruised and red. The night flying by in a sea of new sensation and feelings.

Two days later they arranged to meet Laura in the local pub, they were so excited holding hands they approached her, Laura's grin matched theirs... "So I see my little block removal worked then boys" as her eyes moved from their joined hands to their faces. Both boys just nodded and grinned. Chris leaned in and whispered thank you! They didn't actually get to make that video, they made a much better one on their honeymoon.


End file.
